I do this to myself every year.
Every March through to June.
I load up my plate full of projects and I burn out. And every year, about June
5th, I say to myself that I won’t be doing that again next year.
Then by September I’m feeling complacent and start looking for small projects
just to stop me twiddling my thumbs. Then while Christmas is approaching, I may
as well be working on so-and-so. Then I’ll get an amazing opportunity for a
lovely new project, and I think “amazing! I want to be a part of that!” And
then you start the planning, which is pretty plain sailing at the beginning,
but then BOOM it’s March and all those little things are suddenly sprouting and
suddenly you’re in 5 places at once and then oh good god you’re
rehearsing/working every night of the week and it’s not even Fringe yet and
then it IS Fringe and you swear to god you’ll never do this again next year.
So here I am; April, and thinking, I’ll take a break next
year. March was manic (as March always is). Last year was hellish in terms of
what I needed to balance (3 sets of rehearsals for 3 set of performances all in
the one month), so I said to myself that I wouldn’t do certain projects again
the next year. This March, I did all 3 projects again – actually managing to
take on more responsibility within 2
of them than I previously had. Aren’t I clever?
No. That makes me very stupid.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy the projects. On the contrary. I
cannot be idle creatively: I always have something on the go; I take a break
from one creative project by dipping into another. A day off with no
rehearsals? I’ll write a parody song! Actually, I’ve got some daylight hours –
I’ll make a video to accompany it! Such is my strange, workaholic, masochistic
little mind. I thoroughly enjoy the projects – more often than not they inspire
ideas for other projects in other formats. But it does always get to that
point, usually around now, in April, where I go “why am I doing all this –
directing, acting, writing, singing, marketing, designing, creating – for no
money?”
I absolutely hate the
phrase ‘just think of it as a good chance to build some experience’. While
there is certainly an undeniable truth to this, I have been building the same kind
of experiences for about 3 years now, and yet never quite managing to get
enough to make creative employers take me seriously. That’s the bitch. There are exceptions of course – certain projects
I’ve only worked on in the last year may well take their next steps soon and
that will open up a new stage of experience. Maybe this will be a breakthrough.
But in terms of slogging it through March, April, May and
June, will I find myself back again next year to continue to ‘build experience’?
Probably; I can’t just have a month off. I’ve already watched the entire Johnathan
Creek boxset about 5 times and what else is there in life?
Check the 2018 Fringe flyers and see.
ps. I do of course love the projects I get involved with. I do just wish I could sleep without running through the admin in my head.
I find that time to do nothing is a crucial part of my life. I hate to have things planned. Sometimes I just like to be spontaneous and watch the 1997 series final of Gladiator. I might not be the best example though given my glorious lack of achievements in life.
ReplyDeleteBut then I do think that you need to focus on quality over quantity. Make sure you're getting the right experience in what you want to do. Don't do too much for other people.
But really what it all comes down to is if you enjoy it.